vlorin:

I think that the constant and unyielding aspect of my life that I keep mulling over in my head is whether I should submit myself entirely to the way of the world and just close my eyes and let the universe move me quietly with my arms outstretched so I can touch and feel and pluck out the parts that I deem the most beautiful and the most worthy of being a part of my life — or rather — make of utmost importance the factor of control and having control and wanting control and needing it to be something that pushes me into a higher realm of consciousness. I think, for the most part, I have a solid grasp of myself, but I need to stop submitting to the ways of other people and voicing myself, not reiterating who I think I should be in correspondence to the people that I surround myself with. I absorb the world and I always have, and that’s something about me that i like, but am I soaking up the right things? I think on Tuesday I’m going to sit at the Met and read Proust and listen to blues and be pensive and cozy and make sure that there’s still something in me that I can find beautiful. I think that that’s it. I’ve lost control of the parts of my life that I had such a solid hold over. I think that by realizing that I’m going to be okay.

(Source: commovente)